I'll be flying off to thailand tomorrow night and today i woke up with split ends just because I haven't conditioned in three days. The world needs a new system of order by which to function. Meanwhile find me in the rural villages of thailand where there isn't a flush system conditioning my hair. Will be back on the 17th.

I had to blog 'cause my leg's bleeding out and threatening to kill me. It's SOOOO fun to watch it bleed btw.

B L O O D
B L O O D
B L O O D
B L O O D
B L O O D
B L O O D
B L O O D

Ryan and his plastic-bag-and-Rachel's-leg-cutting aluminium trays are to blame for all this. Plus I might have leukemia or some other undiscovered bodily disorder that prevents my blood from clotting.

Whoever said that eating regular meals makes you a less hungry person and helps you lose weight was totally wrong, because I had two meals today (which is relatively regular I'd say) and right now I'm starving. I'm trying very hard not to binge on the entire canister of butter and cheese popcorn (omgosh doesn't that sound so tempting? I LOVE cheese popcorn!!!) that's tantalizingly right beside me now because it'll all go to my tummy and not my boobs. Not that I'm one to actually bother about that but for some strange reason just for now I do.

I went to Tanglin Mall with my mom today to take pictures of the Olde Worlde Christmas thingy they have put up there and it was actually pretty spectacular, with the life-sized horses (I LOVE horses!!!) and the grumpy-looking cow (moo moo!) and the soap suds puffing out and made to look like snow - I actually found it quite romanticish (sorry but I'm a sucker for stuff like that). The only part that pissed me off was how my mom kept asking me to take photographs of the place. I am SO not a mass-production-of-photographs kind of person, 'cause it annoys me to take 'imperfect' photographs just walking around the display and having a stranger occasionally butt into your photograph (it's the ocd).

Went into Tanglin Mall ('cause that's the reason why they put up such an expensive Christmas display isn't it? It would be so sad if still no one went in and upped their sales!) and into this shop selling kids' toys and old fashioned things. I loved the musical boxes that you had to wind up by yourself. When I grow up I'm going to have all these lovely romantic little knick knacks all over the place.

I have an extremely short attention span so I can't exactly sit blogging for more than five minutes so I'm just going to cut short the rest of the post. Went to Indochine with my mom where Cats in e cradle was having a gig and got a tequila sunrise etc. Couldn't exactly get the nicer (imo) ones 'cause my mom was right beside me and you don't ask the waiter for a slow comfortable screw against the wall like that. Sat there all night 'cause the band was playing all my favourite songs. Got home at about 1am to find that there's a sign outside my estate saying
STATE LAND. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK.

++
If you could look past everything and how I haven't been there, I'm here.

So that's what it comes down to, isn't it. That's what it always comes down to.

Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time

Auditioned for a concert with Fiona today. Think we got in. Yay! :)

You are all that I have

"It wasn't me."

Woh ryan. I know I said in the november 15 post that I wanted something to be emo about too so I could join the club, but WOH-OHHHH. When you picked out this skin did you have rachel in mind at all?!

But it's nice though, I guess, so thanks. :) Minus the part that tells the world that I'm stranded on this tiny red dot of an island and the Mcdonald's 'I'm Lovin' It' tagline. And oh, you made a mistake on the wishlist. I already have beauty, brains and talent. :)

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

I have Christmas goodies!!! Spongebob Squarepants GIANT gummy Krabby Patties! Spongebob Squarepants mini fruit-flavoured Candy Canes! Aaaaaaaand POPCORN!!! Two giant pretty tins of it, no less. :))) Was attracted to their packagings. I am such a kid.

CPR before this blog dies, too

Of all the blogs that I've read tonight, so many of them are currently emo. WHY DON'T I HAVE ANYTHING TO BE EMO ABOUT?! I need a guy to come around and screw up my life, and then I can post emo thoughts too. E.g. 'The distance hurts so bad but I just can't fall back into your wide open arms baby because what you really want to hold isn't me and I need to give me more than that.' 'Oh! That intoxicating warmth of your breath. Makes me melt and wanna die for you.'

I was walking around in flats today. Flats are my new-found love, by the way. Heels suck. They're absolutely deceptive - make your ass and legs look good and then just short of paralyse you knees down. I just need more flats. But I don't have any money to buy them. Nor any clothes. Heck, I don't even have money to EAT anymore. So I'm just stuck with eating at home or out with mommy. Not that I'm complaining, though.

My very first job interview didn't happen. By the time I'd gotten my slow-chugging lazyass down to the restaurant they'd already hired enough staff to get over the loss of not having me around. So you say, bad start?

So yes. I have no boyfriend, no money, and no job. I think I should just sign in to facebook and make babies with myself.

's been a long time coming

I'm a bit disturbed that my instant noodles are wrapped in double layers of plastic and that all the pens in Popular now have their own individual plastic wraps. And that the decorative lights in Holland V. are turned on every night. Have we all decided to hell with saving the earth already?!

There is nothing as disorienting and wonderful as going to sleep at 7 in the evening and waking up at 1130 at night.

I want strawberry yoghurt drink. Wish Sheng Siong were open 24/7.

Lest we forget.

Went to Changi Museum with my mom today. It's really nice to read the inscriptions on the plaques in commemoration of the war and the people who suffered and/or died in it. Makes me think of all the war movies I've watched and the brotherhood between the soldiers. That spirit comprises the most noble and beautiful of all human qualities, I think.

Talked to Milu on the way home today. I guess as much as we'd like to have certain things forever, almost all of them we can't be sure of in the future.

There are some things that never quite leave you, even long after they're gone.

Big, big boulder in brain

I learned how to play pool today! Soooo fun!!!

And I got 2 lychee martinis free for all of us! :D :D :D

I think having double standards is weak. That's why I despise you.

For you, a thousand times over.

This could be the fourth or fifth time that I'm trying, after repeatedly promising myself I never would again. And yet when I looked at them today, they are worth every personal letdown; every disappointment. These are the people whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, because when I know that when I am with them, they take me to higher ground. They are the faces that inspire me, that uplift me unto the goal. To be with them I would give up so many things; I'll never replace them because I want them to be my one and only.

Hello, blog #100

Zomg, do you know how long it took for me to create this? If anyone knew how long it takes for me to come up with an original name, they'd think i was retarded. Apparently this lack of creativity is genetic, because almost everyone around me is called Rachel. I wasn't intending on broadcasting my innocence or lack thereof to the world, but after about eighteen attempts at original blog names I decided heck, whatever, embrace it.

I've been looking for a suitable household pet for myself and because my mom is against any kind of furry animal being in the house dogs and cats are ruled out. I was thinking of those black water lizards with orange, black-polka-dotted undersides sold in the fish shop across the road for $3.50 apiece but they don't really interest me as pets so they'd probably go the same way as my poor dear tortoises did - into public ponds. I even considered leeches which look soooo cute fat and well-fed and rolling and tumbling around. They even have that dark and twisted evil blood-sucking vengeance-seeking side to them and the idea of them 'squeezing through incredibly small holes' is so intriguing but I can't imagine where I'd be able to get them from. A little while ago I decided on that which intrigues and makes my hair stand no end - caterpillars. I've always thought of collecting them, the 'walking' inch-worms from that storybook I used to read when I was a kid, the red and green ones, the multi-coloured segmented ones with the spokes all over them and of course the spicebush swallowtail (as I recently learned is its name):


Hello. Zomg. Do you see its huge, fake, creepy eyes? Soooo freaky. Who would've thought, though, that freaky turns to pretty as in here:


Awe-inspiringly beautiful, I'd say. However, as I strongly suspect that freakish caterpillars and spicebush swallowtails are nearly impossible to obtain here in Singapore, I might have to settle for the less impressive mealworm to beetle metamorphorsis:



Wish me luck.